Thursday, May 3, 2012

Gravitational Shits

"Seriously, who has the power to defy the laws of gravity and shit on a freaking ceiling."
Did you know in Germany and London you have to pay to use the bathrooms? Makes you want to reconsider all that water you've been drinking. And yes, shit gets smeared on ceilings in America, and all over the walls. I actually was in a restroom today waiting on my sister, and on the wall it was written on "out of toilet paper"...with their shit. WTF AMERICA. So, I think we should be like Germany. You pay a quarter to take a shit, so a janitor who gives a shit, will come and clean up all the dumb asses shit. They may or may not have hitler moustaches. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

This is a Title

It's times like these where I don't know what to say. I'm somewhere between the somber and slightly saddened stage and the "blah, i'm so bored" stage. Frankly, it sucks. Now, as I sit here listening to Leeland and wondering what to do with myself I realize that the whole day has been a bit of a blank. Just going through the motions, escaping into my own mind and losing all track of reality. I hate and love those days. I love them because it gets my mind and self away for a while, and I hate them because once I'm back in reality I've just wasted hours of precious time. That's another thing, Time.
I mean, have you ever realized how short time is?  How short life is?
"wow, you're olddd" chant the children of the village. That's right, no one else reads this so they will answer all my rhetorical questions. Isn't that right children.
"We love question filled stories!" 
Of course you do.
Anyway, I can't fathom what it is about people that makes them consider life as they do. Do they realize that if we're lucky we'll have maybe eighty years on this Earth? There's always going to be something wrong, or something "more important" than getting on to life. But don't we see how important it is to make a difference while we can? I can zone out for the next 24 hours, get a few good grades on a test, read a little, but how much difference does it make? It doesn't.
There's so much to understand and comprehend, so much we can never hope to learn in our lives! Have you ever really realized what you can do? 
"I can put sticks in Jimmy's hair."
How can people stand to just sit around and think of life as nothing? Why is it that every time someone get's a bad grade, has a bad break up, loses their phone or car keys, that becomes the biggest crisis in the world?? 
Wouldn't it be more efficient to get up, walk it off, and do something about it? 
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing with this. It was just the first thing that happened to pop into my mind.
"Jimmy doesn't have a very big mind"
"He just has a lot of sticks"

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Jelly Beans

Who the hell makes popcorn jelly beans?
I mean who's great Idea was it to say "hey! I know! will mix up a vat of butter, with sugary lard, color it obscurely and people will eat our shit! best. product design. ever." Imagine my surprise when a deceivingly yellow (as in, lemon looking) jelly bean was popped into my mouth with the expectance of a delicious sugary sweetness and instead got a mouthful of buttery shit. It's the same kind of thing that they did with Matthews Pickle flavored sunflower seeds. Why do food companies come up with this stuff?? I mean, if i wanted to eat popcorn instead of jellybeans, I would have bought popcorn. If I wanted to eat pickles, I wouldn't have bought sunflower seeds. IF I WANTED TO EAT EGGPLANT, I WOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT LAYS POTATO CHIPS.
The logic behind these people's ideas is infuriating. There's a different between putting steak sauce on a chip and it being delicious, and making said chip flavored as a steak. THERE'S A BALANCE.
However, butter flavored jelly beans? it's like taking a stick of butter, some old stale corn, and a vat of sugar, then mixing it all up and shoving it into your mouth.
disappointed? me too.
Oh, sorry it's sugar free. So same picture, with splenda. Gee thanks, I really wanted some cancer on the side of your shit jelly beans.
Yes, this is the highlight of my day, a rant about awful jelly beans.
My life is just so exciting! 

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Dear Facebook,
To whom it may concern I don't care to hear any real random emotions of your life. In fact, they are rather annoying. Statuses such as "Wow, how low can you get" and other undirected/obviously directed statuses are a great nuisance to anyone trying to enjoy a pleasant scroll through their news feed. If there's something going on, say it. If you are vying for attention or trying to insult someone, say it. Not only does it cause an entertaining drama, but it also diminishes the desire to chop off, burn, season, and eat your typing hands. This is second only to the Lovey Dovey status posts the rest of us have to endure. Thank you for your time.

Sunday, March 11, 2012


Hello dear sir/madam. Before you start typing your blabbery bullshit, I just want to let you know that if you don't know what correct grammar and punctuation mean, then you can f*ck off for all I care. Also, NO, I won't give you my age, sex or location. It's supposed to remain an anonymous website, retards.

Monday, March 5, 2012


Twilight it actually all a figment of Bella's imagination. Really shes a phsychotic bitch who's family died in a vampire bat feeding frenzy, she's been in an assylum the past 15 years of her life and sits in a white rubber room with a straight jacket muttering things about vampires and wolves. In her mind Twilight is playing out as in the books, where she has a life that surpasses the normal one she can not ever have. Even though because she has no perception of reality, she therefore has no perception of herself as a person, hence kristen stewart.

You're all actually in a mental hospital right now, this is a figment of your imaginiation. 


Actually Pokemon is just a show about the Earth in the future. You see, a deranged Scientist 
called"Professor Oak" was working on an experiment to mutate common objects and animals 
together. The first of these was an ugly rodent, and a yellow electrical socket. He eventually created 
so many of these that they over ran him and escaped into the wild where they have multiplied by 
the millions. He then sends out a quest of young "trainers" to catch them all before they overrun the 
world and kill off humanity. The End.
Sorry to crush all your dreams.