Tuesday, February 28, 2012

"Assignment: come up with your own creation story"

Once upon a time the Earth was beautiful and green. The forests were plenty and the waters were clear. The mountains were tall ad strong, the valleys peaceful and pleasant. But it all had to change. The people that inhabited the lands and waters were different from you and I. We named them from our own language, wrote of them in our tales and histories, isolated their existence with the introduction of "science" and "legend".
There were some that lived in the trees and forests that were called Nymphs, or Elves, they had abilities to manipulate energy to do their will. There were the people in the water called Nyaids and Mer, who could live and breathe in the water. Living in the mountains and denser forests were the Dranon. A people of fire, smoke, air and claw, who had scaled wings and elegant faces framing their cold reptillian eyes; they were distanced from all the others. Some of what we consider animals now were intelligent species then. The wolves,  cats, snakes, foxes, and owls being of these. In the midst of all these quite earthly inhabitants, a democracy had to be placed. A court made up of one representative from each race. The Elves' was called Demyrus; The Mer's, Myrena; The Dranon's, Dragnon; The Wolves, Weren; The Cat's, Neko; the snake's, Ludicrous; The foxes Fierowen; And the Owl's, Owren. These were the council of Earth, they would decide, debate, and dictate how each species were to rule for the best of every species and of Earth.
It came to pass in an Dranon city that a boy was born. His father Dragnon was shocked as the boy had no wings. He had the eyes of a Dranon, and his nails were tipped in an infants claws as any other, but instead of a firery aura there was only a blue energy which was later defined as a "healing aura". Dragnon was furious with his wife, who's name was never allowed to be recalled. She had delivered a son with an Elven seed instead of his own and was banished, for not only was it against all laws, but was a disgrace upon his house and position. She pleaded with Dragnon for forgiveness and seeing the good in her once more he relented but put the punishment on the tiny babe instead. The babe was brought to a cave hidden deep in a valley, and left from all the world. Alas, sorrow was conceived that day. As the years passed in peace, and whisper of the boy had died out, and his very presence forgotten.
But the boy didn't forget. Where as his mother and father thought him to be dead, he had been saved by a sympathetic snake called Sianthron. Sianthron raised the boy in his cave and taught him of what past he knew.  The sight of the king's servants leaving him here, and the whispers about the wind. The boy swore revenge on the father for banishing him in such a way, and believed that no being so ruthless at heart should be fit to rule. Sianthron had leverage here, and decided to take it. He swore to the now quite well grown to aid his "master" in his quest. The next five years were spent with various complaints. An extremely intricate book of elemental and energy guides missing from the Elven capitol. A string of protective pearls gone from the Mer's caves. Many of the highest weaponry stolen from the Dranon's armory. And most of all, Ludicrous' own tablet of forbidden curses. All of which Sianthron had stolen for the training of young Hyulin as he had named the child. Hyulin had powers beyond comprehension because of his parentage. When he felt he was ready, he decided to build an army to march upon the earth. An army of races just as him. He orderd Sianthron to collect one of each intelligent species of the Earth and bring them to him. Sianthron did this in pride, and Hyulin granted Sianthron the ability of his second in command, at his right hand if you will.Hyulin used his now much darker energy and powers to bring forth an army created from all the species of Earth. The snakes intelligense, the foxes wit, the owls wisdom, the cats agility, the wolf's ferociousness the Dranons combat skills, and chose the Elven form for its beholding. To his disgust the Mer's blood would not mix with the rest and hence the new race could not survive in water as he had hoped. Hyulin decided to call the race "Humans".
With his collective and vast army and Sianthron at his side, Hyulin revealed himself to the world with a devastating war of fire blood and death. The races were forced to seperate and hide in the highest mountains and deeps. The Mer were the only ones to remain unmoved, and Hyulin was growing old and weary from his conquest. In his anger at the defeat of his army against the Mer he sought out his father and old race at the top of Mt. Evern. He took Sianthron to him and before Sianthron could utter a sound killed him pouring his blood and energy into a powerful and angry curse. He bound every Dranon under the descendant and utmost rule of  Dragnon to partake in the curse. They were covered in their scales and their bodies no longer elegant and powerful. He made them a monstrosity of wing, scale, and claws. The Dranon or, Dragons as they are now called after their cursed leader flew from there to an unknown country where they thought to remain safe. The few outcasts of the Dranon that were not under the curse joined forces with the Humans. Hyulin was killed from the amount of force in his curse and his hold on the humans destroyed. The humans began to populate and congregate all over Earth, and the other races out numbered and fleeing were lost to time. Some humans decided to live peacefully with the different races, and they helped each other, some of them even would intermarry and had powerful children. Other humans were war like and slaughtered many. It was for this reason that the ever peaceful Mer set to themselves to seperate the warring continents.
Now we here of these races in myths and tales and they are disregarded for their fantastical ideas. And yet some still have the blood of these races in them....and how would we ever know?

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Decaf Clams

Someone brought clams to church yesterday. As in, living shelled creatures with gooey stuff inside that you eat.
I must say I've always been hesitant around such things, but I was feeling fearless....It pretty much tasted like a melting salty ice cube drowning in butter and cocktail sauce. I ate ten. It actually took me three days to finish this. The irony? I ended up graciously providing the toilet with my previous meals. Which I'm sure it was ecstatic about considering it's regular diet of shit. It was all like:
"Oh thank you so much! now I can spice the shit up with some vomit! hoorah for digestive problems!!!"

 I'm still not sure if it was the clams that did it. Although that would definitely add to the irony, considering I was just writing on about how enjoyable they were. In any case, it wasn't until after the fifth clam that my friend decided to inform me that the clams are actually still alive as you eat them.....yeah. I can picture it now, with their little shell fish faces screaming in agony, cocktail sauce and butter being lathered on to them as sharp projectiles carve their flesh from their little shell bodies. oh well.
In any case Valentines Day just passed. I want to just re-affirm the fact that about 1% of the human population actually enjoys this holiday.
It's the day where hallmark can roll out their crappy acted, cheesy movie marathons. (although they do that all year long, whoops)
When people spend money on over priced junk under the threat of being ignored their whole life because they don't "love me enough".
When shop keepers bust out the over priced heart, puppy, pink, red, purple, i love you, shit, and plaster it everywhere like every other store in the world isn't doing the same exact thing.
When those who have a gf/bf go crazy and cheesy for each other and rub it in everyone's faces
And the day where pathetic single people rant about unimportant things and shit on the bad parts of valentines day just because they're forever alone.
oh well, happy valentines day

Monday, February 6, 2012


Once upon a time there was a tv show tht was gathered together with a cast of the squeakiest winiest teenagers, in which the 2 main characters sound like a 5 yr olg girl and a nasally geek, except the nasally geek is actually an alien in a small town called "roswell" the whiny 5 yr old is shot in her parents alien themed restraunt where she works as a waitress and the alien geek, who secretly has had a stalkerish obsession with her since kindergarten heals her with his magic alien powers. they then fall maddeningly in love along with aloen geeks sister and other alien friend whom all fall in love with the human 5 yr old girls friends, all of a sudden the sherif and FBI get involved and they're trying to cover up the fact tht they are aliens so they dnt get assraped by the government, but instead the geeky alien guy ends up cheating on 5 yr old whiny girl because he is apparently "being controlled by something" to make him fall in love with a phsycho blonde girl who now turns out to be an alien to, but an enemy one, and they dnt know what to do because now theres alot of lovey dovey drama as well as them all running for their fucked up lives, oh and alien hickeys kill humans. THE END

aka, twilight with aliens.