Thursday, February 16, 2012

Decaf Clams

Someone brought clams to church yesterday. As in, living shelled creatures with gooey stuff inside that you eat.
I must say I've always been hesitant around such things, but I was feeling fearless....It pretty much tasted like a melting salty ice cube drowning in butter and cocktail sauce. I ate ten. It actually took me three days to finish this. The irony? I ended up graciously providing the toilet with my previous meals. Which I'm sure it was ecstatic about considering it's regular diet of shit. It was all like:
"Oh thank you so much! now I can spice the shit up with some vomit! hoorah for digestive problems!!!"

 I'm still not sure if it was the clams that did it. Although that would definitely add to the irony, considering I was just writing on about how enjoyable they were. In any case, it wasn't until after the fifth clam that my friend decided to inform me that the clams are actually still alive as you eat them.....yeah. I can picture it now, with their little shell fish faces screaming in agony, cocktail sauce and butter being lathered on to them as sharp projectiles carve their flesh from their little shell bodies. oh well.
In any case Valentines Day just passed. I want to just re-affirm the fact that about 1% of the human population actually enjoys this holiday.
It's the day where hallmark can roll out their crappy acted, cheesy movie marathons. (although they do that all year long, whoops)
When people spend money on over priced junk under the threat of being ignored their whole life because they don't "love me enough".
When shop keepers bust out the over priced heart, puppy, pink, red, purple, i love you, shit, and plaster it everywhere like every other store in the world isn't doing the same exact thing.
When those who have a gf/bf go crazy and cheesy for each other and rub it in everyone's faces
And the day where pathetic single people rant about unimportant things and shit on the bad parts of valentines day just because they're forever alone.
oh well, happy valentines day

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