Thursday, May 3, 2012

Gravitational Shits

"Seriously, who has the power to defy the laws of gravity and shit on a freaking ceiling."
Did you know in Germany and London you have to pay to use the bathrooms? Makes you want to reconsider all that water you've been drinking. And yes, shit gets smeared on ceilings in America, and all over the walls. I actually was in a restroom today waiting on my sister, and on the wall it was written on "out of toilet paper"...with their shit. WTF AMERICA. So, I think we should be like Germany. You pay a quarter to take a shit, so a janitor who gives a shit, will come and clean up all the dumb asses shit. They may or may not have hitler moustaches. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

This is a Title

It's times like these where I don't know what to say. I'm somewhere between the somber and slightly saddened stage and the "blah, i'm so bored" stage. Frankly, it sucks. Now, as I sit here listening to Leeland and wondering what to do with myself I realize that the whole day has been a bit of a blank. Just going through the motions, escaping into my own mind and losing all track of reality. I hate and love those days. I love them because it gets my mind and self away for a while, and I hate them because once I'm back in reality I've just wasted hours of precious time. That's another thing, Time.
I mean, have you ever realized how short time is?  How short life is?
"wow, you're olddd" chant the children of the village. That's right, no one else reads this so they will answer all my rhetorical questions. Isn't that right children.
"We love question filled stories!" 
Of course you do.
Anyway, I can't fathom what it is about people that makes them consider life as they do. Do they realize that if we're lucky we'll have maybe eighty years on this Earth? There's always going to be something wrong, or something "more important" than getting on to life. But don't we see how important it is to make a difference while we can? I can zone out for the next 24 hours, get a few good grades on a test, read a little, but how much difference does it make? It doesn't.
There's so much to understand and comprehend, so much we can never hope to learn in our lives! Have you ever really realized what you can do? 
"I can put sticks in Jimmy's hair."
How can people stand to just sit around and think of life as nothing? Why is it that every time someone get's a bad grade, has a bad break up, loses their phone or car keys, that becomes the biggest crisis in the world?? 
Wouldn't it be more efficient to get up, walk it off, and do something about it? 
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing with this. It was just the first thing that happened to pop into my mind.
"Jimmy doesn't have a very big mind"
"He just has a lot of sticks"

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Jelly Beans

Who the hell makes popcorn jelly beans?
I mean who's great Idea was it to say "hey! I know! will mix up a vat of butter, with sugary lard, color it obscurely and people will eat our shit! best. product design. ever." Imagine my surprise when a deceivingly yellow (as in, lemon looking) jelly bean was popped into my mouth with the expectance of a delicious sugary sweetness and instead got a mouthful of buttery shit. It's the same kind of thing that they did with Matthews Pickle flavored sunflower seeds. Why do food companies come up with this stuff?? I mean, if i wanted to eat popcorn instead of jellybeans, I would have bought popcorn. If I wanted to eat pickles, I wouldn't have bought sunflower seeds. IF I WANTED TO EAT EGGPLANT, I WOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT LAYS POTATO CHIPS.
The logic behind these people's ideas is infuriating. There's a different between putting steak sauce on a chip and it being delicious, and making said chip flavored as a steak. THERE'S A BALANCE.
However, butter flavored jelly beans? it's like taking a stick of butter, some old stale corn, and a vat of sugar, then mixing it all up and shoving it into your mouth.
disappointed? me too.
Oh, sorry it's sugar free. So same picture, with splenda. Gee thanks, I really wanted some cancer on the side of your shit jelly beans.
Yes, this is the highlight of my day, a rant about awful jelly beans.
My life is just so exciting! 

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Dear Facebook,
To whom it may concern I don't care to hear any real random emotions of your life. In fact, they are rather annoying. Statuses such as "Wow, how low can you get" and other undirected/obviously directed statuses are a great nuisance to anyone trying to enjoy a pleasant scroll through their news feed. If there's something going on, say it. If you are vying for attention or trying to insult someone, say it. Not only does it cause an entertaining drama, but it also diminishes the desire to chop off, burn, season, and eat your typing hands. This is second only to the Lovey Dovey status posts the rest of us have to endure. Thank you for your time.

Sunday, March 11, 2012


Hello dear sir/madam. Before you start typing your blabbery bullshit, I just want to let you know that if you don't know what correct grammar and punctuation mean, then you can f*ck off for all I care. Also, NO, I won't give you my age, sex or location. It's supposed to remain an anonymous website, retards.

Monday, March 5, 2012


Twilight it actually all a figment of Bella's imagination. Really shes a phsychotic bitch who's family died in a vampire bat feeding frenzy, she's been in an assylum the past 15 years of her life and sits in a white rubber room with a straight jacket muttering things about vampires and wolves. In her mind Twilight is playing out as in the books, where she has a life that surpasses the normal one she can not ever have. Even though because she has no perception of reality, she therefore has no perception of herself as a person, hence kristen stewart.

You're all actually in a mental hospital right now, this is a figment of your imaginiation. 


Actually Pokemon is just a show about the Earth in the future. You see, a deranged Scientist 
called"Professor Oak" was working on an experiment to mutate common objects and animals 
together. The first of these was an ugly rodent, and a yellow electrical socket. He eventually created 
so many of these that they over ran him and escaped into the wild where they have multiplied by 
the millions. He then sends out a quest of young "trainers" to catch them all before they overrun the 
world and kill off humanity. The End.
Sorry to crush all your dreams.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

"Assignment: come up with your own creation story"

Once upon a time the Earth was beautiful and green. The forests were plenty and the waters were clear. The mountains were tall ad strong, the valleys peaceful and pleasant. But it all had to change. The people that inhabited the lands and waters were different from you and I. We named them from our own language, wrote of them in our tales and histories, isolated their existence with the introduction of "science" and "legend".
There were some that lived in the trees and forests that were called Nymphs, or Elves, they had abilities to manipulate energy to do their will. There were the people in the water called Nyaids and Mer, who could live and breathe in the water. Living in the mountains and denser forests were the Dranon. A people of fire, smoke, air and claw, who had scaled wings and elegant faces framing their cold reptillian eyes; they were distanced from all the others. Some of what we consider animals now were intelligent species then. The wolves,  cats, snakes, foxes, and owls being of these. In the midst of all these quite earthly inhabitants, a democracy had to be placed. A court made up of one representative from each race. The Elves' was called Demyrus; The Mer's, Myrena; The Dranon's, Dragnon; The Wolves, Weren; The Cat's, Neko; the snake's, Ludicrous; The foxes Fierowen; And the Owl's, Owren. These were the council of Earth, they would decide, debate, and dictate how each species were to rule for the best of every species and of Earth.
It came to pass in an Dranon city that a boy was born. His father Dragnon was shocked as the boy had no wings. He had the eyes of a Dranon, and his nails were tipped in an infants claws as any other, but instead of a firery aura there was only a blue energy which was later defined as a "healing aura". Dragnon was furious with his wife, who's name was never allowed to be recalled. She had delivered a son with an Elven seed instead of his own and was banished, for not only was it against all laws, but was a disgrace upon his house and position. She pleaded with Dragnon for forgiveness and seeing the good in her once more he relented but put the punishment on the tiny babe instead. The babe was brought to a cave hidden deep in a valley, and left from all the world. Alas, sorrow was conceived that day. As the years passed in peace, and whisper of the boy had died out, and his very presence forgotten.
But the boy didn't forget. Where as his mother and father thought him to be dead, he had been saved by a sympathetic snake called Sianthron. Sianthron raised the boy in his cave and taught him of what past he knew.  The sight of the king's servants leaving him here, and the whispers about the wind. The boy swore revenge on the father for banishing him in such a way, and believed that no being so ruthless at heart should be fit to rule. Sianthron had leverage here, and decided to take it. He swore to the now quite well grown to aid his "master" in his quest. The next five years were spent with various complaints. An extremely intricate book of elemental and energy guides missing from the Elven capitol. A string of protective pearls gone from the Mer's caves. Many of the highest weaponry stolen from the Dranon's armory. And most of all, Ludicrous' own tablet of forbidden curses. All of which Sianthron had stolen for the training of young Hyulin as he had named the child. Hyulin had powers beyond comprehension because of his parentage. When he felt he was ready, he decided to build an army to march upon the earth. An army of races just as him. He orderd Sianthron to collect one of each intelligent species of the Earth and bring them to him. Sianthron did this in pride, and Hyulin granted Sianthron the ability of his second in command, at his right hand if you will.Hyulin used his now much darker energy and powers to bring forth an army created from all the species of Earth. The snakes intelligense, the foxes wit, the owls wisdom, the cats agility, the wolf's ferociousness the Dranons combat skills, and chose the Elven form for its beholding. To his disgust the Mer's blood would not mix with the rest and hence the new race could not survive in water as he had hoped. Hyulin decided to call the race "Humans".
With his collective and vast army and Sianthron at his side, Hyulin revealed himself to the world with a devastating war of fire blood and death. The races were forced to seperate and hide in the highest mountains and deeps. The Mer were the only ones to remain unmoved, and Hyulin was growing old and weary from his conquest. In his anger at the defeat of his army against the Mer he sought out his father and old race at the top of Mt. Evern. He took Sianthron to him and before Sianthron could utter a sound killed him pouring his blood and energy into a powerful and angry curse. He bound every Dranon under the descendant and utmost rule of  Dragnon to partake in the curse. They were covered in their scales and their bodies no longer elegant and powerful. He made them a monstrosity of wing, scale, and claws. The Dranon or, Dragons as they are now called after their cursed leader flew from there to an unknown country where they thought to remain safe. The few outcasts of the Dranon that were not under the curse joined forces with the Humans. Hyulin was killed from the amount of force in his curse and his hold on the humans destroyed. The humans began to populate and congregate all over Earth, and the other races out numbered and fleeing were lost to time. Some humans decided to live peacefully with the different races, and they helped each other, some of them even would intermarry and had powerful children. Other humans were war like and slaughtered many. It was for this reason that the ever peaceful Mer set to themselves to seperate the warring continents.
Now we here of these races in myths and tales and they are disregarded for their fantastical ideas. And yet some still have the blood of these races in them....and how would we ever know?

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Decaf Clams

Someone brought clams to church yesterday. As in, living shelled creatures with gooey stuff inside that you eat.
I must say I've always been hesitant around such things, but I was feeling fearless....It pretty much tasted like a melting salty ice cube drowning in butter and cocktail sauce. I ate ten. It actually took me three days to finish this. The irony? I ended up graciously providing the toilet with my previous meals. Which I'm sure it was ecstatic about considering it's regular diet of shit. It was all like:
"Oh thank you so much! now I can spice the shit up with some vomit! hoorah for digestive problems!!!"

 I'm still not sure if it was the clams that did it. Although that would definitely add to the irony, considering I was just writing on about how enjoyable they were. In any case, it wasn't until after the fifth clam that my friend decided to inform me that the clams are actually still alive as you eat them.....yeah. I can picture it now, with their little shell fish faces screaming in agony, cocktail sauce and butter being lathered on to them as sharp projectiles carve their flesh from their little shell bodies. oh well.
In any case Valentines Day just passed. I want to just re-affirm the fact that about 1% of the human population actually enjoys this holiday.
It's the day where hallmark can roll out their crappy acted, cheesy movie marathons. (although they do that all year long, whoops)
When people spend money on over priced junk under the threat of being ignored their whole life because they don't "love me enough".
When shop keepers bust out the over priced heart, puppy, pink, red, purple, i love you, shit, and plaster it everywhere like every other store in the world isn't doing the same exact thing.
When those who have a gf/bf go crazy and cheesy for each other and rub it in everyone's faces
And the day where pathetic single people rant about unimportant things and shit on the bad parts of valentines day just because they're forever alone.
oh well, happy valentines day

Monday, February 6, 2012


Once upon a time there was a tv show tht was gathered together with a cast of the squeakiest winiest teenagers, in which the 2 main characters sound like a 5 yr olg girl and a nasally geek, except the nasally geek is actually an alien in a small town called "roswell" the whiny 5 yr old is shot in her parents alien themed restraunt where she works as a waitress and the alien geek, who secretly has had a stalkerish obsession with her since kindergarten heals her with his magic alien powers. they then fall maddeningly in love along with aloen geeks sister and other alien friend whom all fall in love with the human 5 yr old girls friends, all of a sudden the sherif and FBI get involved and they're trying to cover up the fact tht they are aliens so they dnt get assraped by the government, but instead the geeky alien guy ends up cheating on 5 yr old whiny girl because he is apparently "being controlled by something" to make him fall in love with a phsycho blonde girl who now turns out to be an alien to, but an enemy one, and they dnt know what to do because now theres alot of lovey dovey drama as well as them all running for their fucked up lives, oh and alien hickeys kill humans. THE END

aka, twilight with aliens.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Who I am

A lot of people don't know me. That's a pretty general statement, and is true for everyone. But what I mean is that those who think they know me, who have known me for as long as I can remember, don't know me. I think that all these different accounts and websites, all these different profiles for yourself that people can make now almost everywhere, is really just the human way of wanting to be heard and known. A way for people to shout "THIS IS ME! THIS IS WHO I AM, KNOW ME!" But it doesn't work, does it? It's not enough. So I figure I should set the record straight, obscuring the more detailed things, of course.

  • I talk to myself constantly, often getting into arguments with myself until one side wins and the other cowers in shame.
  • I anger easily, and although try to control it, find it extremely difficult.
  • I created a stone encasing around myself to try and not show emotion or hurt, but inside the shell am as sensitive as those little hairs on a Venus fly trap.
  • I trust no one. Not really. It takes years to gain my trust, even those I say, and do, Love aren't completely trusted. There's less pain that way.
  • I can go from completely hysterical to utterly grave and serious in a second.
  • I have the inconvenient and uncontrollable desire to try and help people, or rather, fix situations. yes, there is a difference.
  • I don't fear or feel the cold. I never have. 
  • I love the outdoors but avoid them as well, and for the same reasons.
  • When I am truly angry it becomes unsafe. 
  • I dream of something that happens in the future way too often.
  • When I'm alone I sing loud and strong, even as awful as I am.
  • My books are more than time passers, or even obsessions...they're an escape. 
  • I write for hours on end sometimes, and then maybe a few sentences a month others.
  • My character, Carna, is who I talk to most. Not nessesarily myself, but her. She is the more logical and reasoning side.
  • I created Carna as everything I wanted to be again. Fearless, apathetic, intelligent, strong, brave...all that heroic stuff.
  • Sometimes I'll look for someone who is rude and insulting on purpose just to infuriate them by remaining calm and indifferent.
  • I'm a real bitch when it comes to defending myself.
  • I can be utterly cold without meaning to be.
  • I hate it when people are joyous and happy around me when its obvious I'm wallowing in misery.
  • My best thinking is in the shower. (yeah, TMI I know, shut up.)
  • I always keep one consistent thing on me, usually a necklace on me, or a stone in my pocket. Each one means something. Don't we all seek consistency in our lives? 
  • I'm republican and Christian (protestant division) which usually means that I get into debates way to easily.
  • I fight too much with people.
  • I replay every stupid thing I say and do over in my head until I need to shake myself os slap my face to snap out of it.
  • I'm terrible at drawing but sketch all the time anyway.
  • I'm too prideful in myself.
  • One adult has said that I am disrespectful towards elders. (although I doubt that, I just don't particularly like *her*)
  • It pisses me off when people try to force me to do something and I'm often too rebellious about it.
  • I tend to rant and see things differently than most people.
  • My sense of humor is variously different from most. 
  • I rarely watch television.
  • I don't have cable.
  • My dream is to write my books, and then maybe films before moving to Greece. I want to own a house on a rocky cliff area, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea.
  • Although my entire family on my mothers side is Hispanic I can't speak Spanish to save my life.
  • I'm obsessed with dragons and other mythical folklore...mostly dragons.
  • I hate preppy girls.
  • I hate preppy abreviations like "obvi" "tots" and "tip" (obvious, totally, typical)
  • I want to tear out the throats of people who type like this: "omggggg I like tots jst 4 realsies loooooove this puppy, 'es likesss so totally cuuuuuuuuuute!!!!!! :) :) :)!!!"
  • I sometimes do use the occasional signature text talk that I caught on from some friends. Only consisting of "es" (instead of is, like a spanish accent or something) "yesh." (when I feel comical) and "l8rs" (when I'm leaving the conversation). Yes, I suppose I'm guilty of it too.
  • I like youtube way too much.
  • I've succeeded in dating two guys. One a total jerk, the second...there are no words to describe the betrayal -.-
  • Most my friends are guys.
  • My "formal" and church attire are a nice fitting sweatshirt and jeans. Or in the summer, tank top and jean shorts.
  • I love to swim, reminds me of flying.
  • My favorite (non-mythical) animals are the owl, the tiger, and most rodents.
  • I will eat most any food except salad.
  • I have no life.
I think that's it for now, I might edit it later on but for now, it is midnight and I like to read before bed. I hope you all had a merry Christmas and Happy New Year....I'm sure there will be a post about the end of the world 2012 thing soon enough.
l8rs! (guilty)