Thursday, January 5, 2012

Who I am

A lot of people don't know me. That's a pretty general statement, and is true for everyone. But what I mean is that those who think they know me, who have known me for as long as I can remember, don't know me. I think that all these different accounts and websites, all these different profiles for yourself that people can make now almost everywhere, is really just the human way of wanting to be heard and known. A way for people to shout "THIS IS ME! THIS IS WHO I AM, KNOW ME!" But it doesn't work, does it? It's not enough. So I figure I should set the record straight, obscuring the more detailed things, of course.

  • I talk to myself constantly, often getting into arguments with myself until one side wins and the other cowers in shame.
  • I anger easily, and although try to control it, find it extremely difficult.
  • I created a stone encasing around myself to try and not show emotion or hurt, but inside the shell am as sensitive as those little hairs on a Venus fly trap.
  • I trust no one. Not really. It takes years to gain my trust, even those I say, and do, Love aren't completely trusted. There's less pain that way.
  • I can go from completely hysterical to utterly grave and serious in a second.
  • I have the inconvenient and uncontrollable desire to try and help people, or rather, fix situations. yes, there is a difference.
  • I don't fear or feel the cold. I never have. 
  • I love the outdoors but avoid them as well, and for the same reasons.
  • When I am truly angry it becomes unsafe. 
  • I dream of something that happens in the future way too often.
  • When I'm alone I sing loud and strong, even as awful as I am.
  • My books are more than time passers, or even obsessions...they're an escape. 
  • I write for hours on end sometimes, and then maybe a few sentences a month others.
  • My character, Carna, is who I talk to most. Not nessesarily myself, but her. She is the more logical and reasoning side.
  • I created Carna as everything I wanted to be again. Fearless, apathetic, intelligent, strong, brave...all that heroic stuff.
  • Sometimes I'll look for someone who is rude and insulting on purpose just to infuriate them by remaining calm and indifferent.
  • I'm a real bitch when it comes to defending myself.
  • I can be utterly cold without meaning to be.
  • I hate it when people are joyous and happy around me when its obvious I'm wallowing in misery.
  • My best thinking is in the shower. (yeah, TMI I know, shut up.)
  • I always keep one consistent thing on me, usually a necklace on me, or a stone in my pocket. Each one means something. Don't we all seek consistency in our lives? 
  • I'm republican and Christian (protestant division) which usually means that I get into debates way to easily.
  • I fight too much with people.
  • I replay every stupid thing I say and do over in my head until I need to shake myself os slap my face to snap out of it.
  • I'm terrible at drawing but sketch all the time anyway.
  • I'm too prideful in myself.
  • One adult has said that I am disrespectful towards elders. (although I doubt that, I just don't particularly like *her*)
  • It pisses me off when people try to force me to do something and I'm often too rebellious about it.
  • I tend to rant and see things differently than most people.
  • My sense of humor is variously different from most. 
  • I rarely watch television.
  • I don't have cable.
  • My dream is to write my books, and then maybe films before moving to Greece. I want to own a house on a rocky cliff area, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea.
  • Although my entire family on my mothers side is Hispanic I can't speak Spanish to save my life.
  • I'm obsessed with dragons and other mythical folklore...mostly dragons.
  • I hate preppy girls.
  • I hate preppy abreviations like "obvi" "tots" and "tip" (obvious, totally, typical)
  • I want to tear out the throats of people who type like this: "omggggg I like tots jst 4 realsies loooooove this puppy, 'es likesss so totally cuuuuuuuuuute!!!!!! :) :) :)!!!"
  • I sometimes do use the occasional signature text talk that I caught on from some friends. Only consisting of "es" (instead of is, like a spanish accent or something) "yesh." (when I feel comical) and "l8rs" (when I'm leaving the conversation). Yes, I suppose I'm guilty of it too.
  • I like youtube way too much.
  • I've succeeded in dating two guys. One a total jerk, the second...there are no words to describe the betrayal -.-
  • Most my friends are guys.
  • My "formal" and church attire are a nice fitting sweatshirt and jeans. Or in the summer, tank top and jean shorts.
  • I love to swim, reminds me of flying.
  • My favorite (non-mythical) animals are the owl, the tiger, and most rodents.
  • I will eat most any food except salad.
  • I have no life.
I think that's it for now, I might edit it later on but for now, it is midnight and I like to read before bed. I hope you all had a merry Christmas and Happy New Year....I'm sure there will be a post about the end of the world 2012 thing soon enough.
l8rs! (guilty)

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