Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Jelly Beans

Who the hell makes popcorn jelly beans?
I mean who's great Idea was it to say "hey! I know! will mix up a vat of butter, with sugary lard, color it obscurely and people will eat our shit! best. product design. ever." Imagine my surprise when a deceivingly yellow (as in, lemon looking) jelly bean was popped into my mouth with the expectance of a delicious sugary sweetness and instead got a mouthful of buttery shit. It's the same kind of thing that they did with Matthews Pickle flavored sunflower seeds. Why do food companies come up with this stuff?? I mean, if i wanted to eat popcorn instead of jellybeans, I would have bought popcorn. If I wanted to eat pickles, I wouldn't have bought sunflower seeds. IF I WANTED TO EAT EGGPLANT, I WOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT LAYS POTATO CHIPS.
The logic behind these people's ideas is infuriating. There's a different between putting steak sauce on a chip and it being delicious, and making said chip flavored as a steak. THERE'S A BALANCE.
However, butter flavored jelly beans? it's like taking a stick of butter, some old stale corn, and a vat of sugar, then mixing it all up and shoving it into your mouth.
disappointed? me too.
Oh, sorry it's sugar free. So same picture, with splenda. Gee thanks, I really wanted some cancer on the side of your shit jelly beans.
Yes, this is the highlight of my day, a rant about awful jelly beans.
My life is just so exciting! 

1 comment:

  1. Once I was in a candy store and they had a whole wall of all different kinds of Jelly beans. Somehow I got a whole bag full of the popcorn ones. A year and a half later I found the bag, still pretty full, in my underwear drawer.

    Also - I've read most of the books on your list, and may I respectfully inquire, where is Harry Potter?
    Or the Messenger by Markus Zusak? Or any Agatha Christie?

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